[Everywhere]

This generally means the topic or place at hand is universal. Paying for your new item or service is a touchy thing. It doesn’t need to be said that I have many grievances with exactly how patrons pay, because I feel it says a lot about how that person views me. If you’re a man, it’s akin to woman viewing you by how you treat waiters and waitresses – if you’ve never heard that before, mark it down now. If you’re a woman and you’ve never heard of it, start; it says a lot about a man. Anyway, the point of this is to complain (surprise) about how people pay in cash. Cards and checks will be another post altogether.

Yeah, something like that. But worse.

One of the worst is when they pull out a wad of cash. A literal crumpled up wad of cash and tosses it on the counter. Anyone with any retail experience or a western common sense would know that I have to verify the funds they’re handing to me. I also have to sort the bills into slots for easy handling and counting at the end of the shift. So tossing a glob of cash onto the counter and staring at me to count it is undoubtedly the worst way anyone could pay for their whatever. Most times I pull the bills out one by one, slowly, and press them down on the counter while counting out loud in a pleasant voice. Seriously – are they getting pleasure out of this?

Throwing the money on the counter is another insult which makes the first look like nothing. After a simple “your total is 4.57”, the person clearly has a five in their hand and as I slowly reach out for it, they throw it on the counter. As a sidenote, I am very aware of the foreign implications here: the French, for example, always present cash on the counter; otherwise exchanging it by hand looks like you’re trying to scam them. But these people are never foreign: they have clear, loud American dialects coupled with overflowing compassion for the working class. If you’re going to put the money on the counter, set it down please. Don’t toss it like an overdue bill you’re begrudgingly paying off.

No, Stevie Wonder. I do not want cash in my face. Thanks.

Now, the final form of annoyance when dealing with cash is surprisingly not coins. I don’t mind it when people pay things off in coins – of course, unless the bill exceeds $20. But since that’s never happened to me (yet – knock on wood), I have yet to be scorned by it. The last one is when people hold out their cash to my face when I’m clearly not ready to take it and hover it there until I do. This one is always fun because I proceed to take my time doing other various things so that their arm starts to get tired. Pushing money in my face doesn’t make the process any faster – just annoys the living shit out of me.

“Do you hate people?”

“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.”  

- Charles Bukowski